COMEDY
Shock Report: Online Misogyny Doesn't Exist, Conclude Men Currently Explaining Why Women Deserve Less
LONDON, UK – In a stunning development, a loosely affiliated collective of online gentlemen scholars has concluded that the concept of "online misogyny" is largely a hysterical myth, possibly invented by women to avoid constructive criticism about their existence, attitudes towards men, agenda, and the size of their tits. The findings were announced concurrently across various platforms, primarily in comment sections below articles discussing women's achievements and on forums dedicated to the objective ranking of female celebrities based on arbitrary metrics.
Bazza "LogicLord69" Higgins, a prominent voice in the movement (identifiable by his avatar depicting a Union Jack), elaborated from his mother's basement command centre. "It's simple logic, really," he typed furiously, pausing only to down another lukewarm energy drink. "If we, the rational thinkers of the internet, don't perceive our own behaviour as misogynistic, then how can it be? Checkmate, feminists."
Higgins is part of a growing chorus of men who bravely spend hours online explaining that their detailed critiques of women's appearances, opinions, and rights are merely "robust debate" or "inconvenient truths." These critiques often include suggestions that women belong in specific domestic spheres, are biologically less capable of rational thought, or are collectively responsible for the commentators' own lack of romantic success – points universally agreed upon as standard, non-hostile discourse within their circles.
"Look, someone has to tell them,”, offered another user, hiding behind the pseudonym 'TruthSeekerAlpha', "When I spend six hours compiling a dossier on why a female politician's policies are wrong, based purely on pictures of her smiling, that's public service. If she finds my detailed analysis of her 'unlikeable face and chankles' upsetting, maybe she's just not cut out for leadership? Or maybe she should just smile more. But genuinely, not that fake way."
The consensus report, informally collated via shared memes and angry comment threads, highlights several key findings:
1. It's Just Banter: Aggressive, targeted harassment is often misconstrued. It's simply "banter," a sophisticated form of male communication tragically misunderstood by the overly sensitive female brain.
2. Objective Criticism: Pointing out a woman's perceived flaws (physical or intellectual) is an act of objective critique, essential for societal improvement and definitely not driven by bitterness or resentment.
3. The Real Victims: The true victims are the men whose perfectly reasonable, evidence-free assertions about female inferiority are unfairly labelled "misogynistic," leading to potential deplatforming or, worse, mild social disapproval.
4. Incel? Never Heard of It: Any suggestion that these online behaviours correlate with ideologies found in "involuntary celibate" communities is dismissed as an ad hominem attack. "The fact that I meticulously catalogue reasons why women universally reject men like me has nothing to do with my objective assessment that women are the problem," stated one anonymous contributor, whose posting history exclusively detailed his romantic frustrations and broad societal critiques of female behaviour. "It's correlation, not causation. Basic science."
Experts in stating the obvious remain baffled. Dr. Amelia Carter, a sociologist who has actually studied online behaviour, sighed heavily. "The level of denial is... remarkable. They operate within echo chambers that reinforce the idea that their hostility is normal, even righteous. They'll post screeds of violent invective, then claim victimhood when challenged. It's a performance of faux rationality masking deep-seated resentment, often wrapped in the language of 'logic' and 'free speech'."
Meanwhile, the online collective continues its vital work. Current projects include explaining why female gamers aren't "real gamers," critiquing the body mass index of female athletes, and offering unsolicited advice to women on how they could be more appealing to the very men who claim not to be misogynists.
"Someone has to uphold standards," concluded LogicLord69, adjusting his latest ‘crying tears’ meme. "It's a tough job, being this rational and objective in a world gone mad. But we do it for humanity. Or at least, the male half." He then returned to a heated debate about whether a fictional female character was "realistically" written, based on whether she adhered to his specific criteria for female behaviour. The fight for non-existent misogyny, it seems, continues. LogicLord69 added “The Two Ronnies predicted this years ago with their The Worm That Turned sketch. Now it’s a reality. I used to cover my eyes when Diana Dors came on the telly. She scared me”.
(C) 2025 Rob Taylor